What to do when your toddler won't brush their teeth
A clamped mouth at bedtime is common, and most families get through it by changing one small thing at a time.
Quick answer
Many toddlers push back on brushing because it's done to them, it feels strange, and it comes when they're tired. What tends to help is changing one small thing at a time, like lying them down with their head on your lap (the AAP suggests it), a song, or a turn brushing a teddy's teeth. The NHS says that up to age 3 the parent does the brushing, so your job is getting the brush in and theirs is letting you. If your child can't tolerate brushing at all, or you notice pain, bleeding gums, spots or dark teeth, talk to your dentist.
If your child clamps their mouth shut, turns their head away or bites down on the brush, brushing can feel like a fight you have to win twice a day. Plenty of parents of two, three and four year olds describe exactly that.
No trick works for every child, and one that works this week can stop working next week. Treat what follows as a menu. Pick one or two things for tonight and give them a few nights before you judge them.
Why toddlers push back
Nobody can tell you which reason applies to your child, and it's often more than one.
Some toddlers want to be in charge of their own body, and a brush in the mouth feels like the opposite. Some want to do it themselves but can't do it properly, so they object when you take over. The bristles and the toothpaste can feel and taste strange. And brushing comes last, when they're tired and so are you.
Habit adds to all of that. After enough bad nights, a child can start resisting before you've picked up the brush, because they know how the evening goes. That part needs a few calmer evenings to fade, which is one reason to change small things and stick with them.
What to try tonight
- Keep the place and the order the same every night, and offer one small choice you're happy with. That could be which brush, which song, or whether the top or bottom teeth go first. A choice about the details gives them some say without making brushing optional.
- Lie them down. The AAP says toddlers can lie down to be brushed, for example on a soft carpet with their head on your lap. You can see what you're doing, and it can feel like a cuddle.
- Put the toothpaste on yourself. The AAP says to use a thin smear, about the size of a grain of rice, for children under 3, and to keep the tube out of reach. The NHS says not to let children eat or lick toothpaste from the tube. A smear also leaves little to suck off the brush.
- Give them a short go, then take your turn. Up to age 3 the NHS has the parent doing the brushing, so their go is for fun and yours is the real brush. If they bite the brush, give them a second one to hold and chew while you use yours.
- Bring in a teddy or a song. Brush a toy's teeth first, or take turns brushing each other's. The AAP lists favourite songs and taking turns among its ideas for making brushing fun, and our guide on making brushing fun has more.
- Let them see. The NHS suggests a mirror so they can see where the brush is, and guiding their hand so they feel the movement.
What tends to backfire
Some things feel like they should work and make the next night harder. Holding your child's head still and pushing the brush in can get one brushing done and make the following night worse. Threats like "no story if you don't brush" turn brushing into the price of something else. A long explanation of why teeth matter doesn't land with a toddler, who cares most about what happens after. Tell them the order instead, like brush then book.
The NHS says not to let children run around with a brush in their mouth, and a chase is what you get when they do. A new plan every night means nothing stays the same long enough for you to see what helps. And squeezing brushing into the ragged end of a long evening makes everything harder, so start the bedtime routine a little earlier and keep brushing as the last step.
Some nights will go badly whatever you try. Go back to the usual routine the next night.
Who brushes at each age
Parents often ask when to hand the brush over. Here is what the NHS and the AAP say.
| Age | Who brushes | What the sources add |
|---|---|---|
| Up to 3 | You do the brushing (NHS) | Toddlers can lie down to be brushed, with their head on your lap (AAP). |
| 3 to 6 | Your child brushes while you supervise (NHS) | A pea-sized amount of toothpaste, put on the brush by the grown-up (NHS and AAP). |
| 7 and over | They can brush alone, but you watch that they brush properly for about 2 minutes (NHS) | Most children need help until about age 8. A rough sign is being able to tie their own shoelaces, and even then a grown-up still checks (AAP). |
Under 3 the toothpaste is a smear, which the AAP puts at about the size of a grain of rice. The AAP also says to supervise so that brushing lasts a full two minutes.
When they're three or older
From 3 the NHS has your child doing more of the brushing, and that's when play is easiest to use. The AAP lists brushing along to a favourite song, taking turns brushing each other's teeth and using a children's brushing app among its ideas for making brushing fun. That's general advice. Once they're doing the brushing, a song or timer helps them last, and how long kids should brush compares ways to keep time.
Germ Chase is a brushing game for kids aged 3 to 10, so it's for later, once your child holds the brush. A voice guides them around the mouth, and germs on a cartoon mouth pop as they brush the part the game calls out.
When to talk to your dentist
Talk to your dentist if your child seems to be in pain or has a sore spot or bleeding gums. The same goes for spots, dark or discoloured teeth, a damaged tooth or an injury. And talk to them if your child can't tolerate brushing at all.
Questions parents ask
Should my three-year-old brush on their own?
The NHS says that from 3 to 6 the child brushes while you supervise, and the AAP says most children need help until about age 8. So let them brush, and stay close enough to finish the job.
How long should a toddler's brushing take?
The NHS says about 2 minutes, at least twice a day. With a child who fights, you may not reach two minutes at first. The guide on how long kids should brush compares egg timers, songs and other ways to keep time.
What if nothing works?
Some nights nothing will. Change one thing, give it a few nights, then try another. If your child can't tolerate brushing at all, that's the dentist question above.
Sources
Germ Chase shares general information, not medical advice. For questions about your child's teeth, talk to your dentist.
